Astoundingly, house insurance is cheap and easy to get in France. One is not accustomed to such adjectives applying to anything here. Better still, it comes with a bundle of other policies. If, for instance, you are unexpectedly abducted by Martians, if you clumsily bump a large vase from the Ming dynasty off its pedestal in a museum and it crashes to the floor, or if you inadvertently crush to death a family of triplets on their way to church: relax, you are covered by the “responsabilité civile” (or liability insurance) part of the policy.

House insurance will also cover you for theft and, most importantly, water damage. When water damage occurs, one is required to file a standard form, the “constat à l’amiable,” with insufficient space to fill in anything more than your initials. But you can do a drawing (“no, that’s not a shoe, it’s the bidet that’s leaking”). And, within the decade, the problem is usually resolved. That’s great because the French are really lousy when it comes to plumbing. Paris was, according to legend, founded in 50 B.C., 2058 years ago, and the first incidents of water damage probably occurred six months later. (Did they have to fill out the ridiculously named “friendly report” then too? With a quill on velum? Or were they still chipping it out on a stone?)

But beware of being lulled into a false sense of security. Just because you have fire insurance doesn’t mean you are covered if something burns. A friend, who has requested to remain anonymous since she is still in not so amicable negotiation with her insurance company, knocked over a lamp. This caused a lot of smoke and a large burn mark on the newly painted wall. Upon calling the insurance company she was asked if there was a flame. “No, I didn’t see a flame,” she diligently explained, “just smoke.” “Well,” said the insurance agent, “then it’s NOT COVERED, since our policy specifically mentions that there has to be a flame.” Now, that’s a reassuringly French approach…