The French are champions at dexterous sports such as fencing and skiing. But they really excel at their national pastime—parking. It’s been elevated to an art form. We would be sure to win Gold, Silver and Bronze should parking ever become an Olympic sport.

Parking garages and legal spots are for softies. The French find spots between cars, behind lampposts, and under busses that cause the Anglos (“but you can’t possibly park there”) to squeamishly shudder. Granted you sometimes need a can opener to get out of your car. But the thrill of finding and easing your car into a space that only you have spotted induces a smug pleasure comparable to tripling your air miles through no expense of your own.

The French are a touchy-feely nation, so it’s no surprise that gentle nudges and slight shoves between cars whilst indulging in the art of parking are quite acceptable. It’s advisable however, before engaging in such foreplay, to check whether the other drivers are present—and if they are its best to limit contact with their cars to a strict minimum.

There is no need to restrict yourself to places on your side of the street—veering across oncoming traffic or train tracks to grab a space might cause a show of fingers, but hey, this is high-level sport. Ditto holding up traffic waiting for someone to leave—note how they take ages to load the car and make at least one drawn out call while strenuously avoiding eye contact. Watch the flicker of irritation that the chorus of hooting induces as they chatter away on their cells.

Sometimes when one is out in a car and one sees an empty parking spot it seems such a pity to drive past and leave it unused. Park in it and savour the ease of entry and lack of bumper bruises. Soak up the gratitude of the next user who patiently waits for you to leave.

Sadly, valet parking has not really taken off in France. Bertrand Delanoë, the mayor of Paris, has raised the stakes (and boosted the sale of Smart cars) by steadfastly removing hundreds of parking spots every year. The entrepreneurial opportunities are not to be underestimated either—my good friend Toby, an exec from Apple, told me in confidence that he was working on a website to help harassed drivers locate empty spaces in Paris.

You don’t even need a car to participate in this sport. Position yourself on a terrace with a view of a too small spot. Watch everyone try to park, holding up traffic. At some stage, a big-bumpered company car will force its way in. Watch as the clearly late-for-a-date driver of a hemmed-in car alternates between hooting and Gallic braying with raised arms to summon his captors.